I've never really talked about any of this with anyone before, I've been too embarrassed and ashamed. But I think about it all the time. ALL THE TIME. And I wish with all my heart that there was some easier way to change this, that he would just fix it all on his own for us and then we could move on. He's gotten too big for our bed and wakes himself up all the time running into one of us. He needs more space and so do we. I sleep on the edge in the weirdest positions, waking up with sore hips and back every morning, and could sleep for days to be honest, if I was allowed. We don't do anything at night because he often wakes up a couple times even before we go to bed - I'm lucky to get to sit through an hour tv show, let alone a movie. I can't plan anything because who knows how the night will go. My friend says I need to plan to take a night once a week away and let Dad put him into bed, but I'm so not ready for that. I don't know how I will ever be ready for any of this. But I do know, if it goes on much longer, I will lose my mind and it will end up coming from a place of anger and bitterness, instead of love and support.
I have no idea how its all going to play out, but I am going to start to move towards making it a reality - somehow. I just wish I had more support close by.